


It'll Be Alright

by suyazu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 14:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15776337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suyazu/pseuds/suyazu
Summary: He's curled into a ball, he looks a mess. Like he hasn't showered. His clothes are dirty. There's sand caked onto his skin. He's miserable.“Shiro… why'd you have to go? Why'd you leav-” he draws in a sharp breath. “Why'd you have to leave me behind?”His head hits the floor as he lays still and he mutters one last thing before he's forced off to sleep.“I want to be there with you.”





	It'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure GG is in Arizona? So that's where this takes place. I haven't written in a long time, and this is my first actual fic in years so I hope somebody likes it.

“What is Earth like?"  
“Uh, I don't know it's green? I guess?" 

Allura has been asking questions since they've set their voyage for the Paladin’s home planet. Lance did his best to answer them with the others occasionally chiming in. 

“If you can even call it that anymore.” Pidge added on, even though Allura would be able to see it for herself soon enough. “With all the pollution, and global warming it's more brown than anything.”

“Brown? Is your planet dying? Like the Balmera?”

“No, it's not dying. Jesus... when are we getting there?” Keith spoke up from the black lion. Flying with Allura and the rest of the Paladins was like a painfully long family road trip to Florida. “Hunk don't you have the coordinates?”

“Shouldn't be too much longer according to this.”

Keith let out a heavy sigh. He turned around in the pilot's chair to check on Shiro who was still asleep curled into Cosmo’s taking advantage of his warmth and comfort.  
Keith's first and last concern was getting him safely to Earth so he could recover. After everything that they'd been through they both were in desperate need of a break. 

Hunk’s voice sounded over the radio “what're you guys looking forward to seeing back home?" 

Back home. 

Just thinking about returning after all this time felt strange. After leaving in a robotic flying blue lion, headed straight for a battle castle on foreign planet, and being tasked with taking down the most powerful alien empire, Arizona was the last thing on his mind. It's not like there was much on Earth for him anyway. 

After his dad died, Shiro disappeared, and getting kicked out of the Garrison, all Keith had left was that shack in the middle of nowhere that he called home for two years.  
Two years until he found Shiro again and followed him throughout the universe. Shiro was his home, his found family.  
What was even the point of it all? It's not like there was a house waiting to be dusted off and lived in, wasn't a pet waiting for a food bowl to be filled, not a loved one eagerly awaiting his return...  
Maybe he should've been excited to feel rain fall on his shoulders and spot his shirt damp, or to feel the desert sand scrape against his skin in the wind but he couldn't think about any of now.  
All he's had for the longest time was Shiro. Now that they were together again he would follow him everywhere. Did it really matter what planet they were on, in whichever part of the galaxy? 

He turned back around to the front of the lion. Looking through the glass to the outer vacuum of space and he was reminded of something Pidge told them a while back… 

...space is mostly empty.

He thought of it everytime they came across something otherworldly. All the beautiful galaxies, stars, and planets. He tries to commit it all to memory. The pitch black of space tangled with blues and reds of past stars. Distant moons slowly orbiting around their ancient counterparts. You couldn't see things like this on Earth. Not where he was from. 

“Keith..?” behind him Shiro was groggy from sleep, "where are we now?” 

“We're about to wormhole through. We're close enough now.” 

“Looks like we're going home, ” his laugh sounded more like a groan. Keith could tell he was in pain. 

“How are you holding up, Shiro?" 

“Ah I'll be alright but another nap couldn't hurt, maybe in a healing pod." 

Shiro kept up his positive leader-like demeanor as to not worry Keith and the others. Mainly Keith.  
He had his own concerns about coming back to Earth. They'd been slamming around in his head hard enough to hurt. He's trying not to think about it, but when you land on a less technologically advanced planet with massive robotic lions, half a robot arm, a teleporting dog, and three aliens, there's a lot that can go wrong.  
He thinks back to his crash landing outside the Galaxy Garrison and how they took him as an experiment. He couldn't go through it again. A run in with the Garrison is inevitable, and a run-in with the Garrison meant a run-in with Adam. 

Don't expect me to be here when you get back. 

Those words still stung. They were supposed to get married. Shiro was awaiting their future together, before Adam didn't want apart of it anymore.

As many times as it takes. 

His mind drifts to Keith. He's been there to save him more times than he can count.  
He could be vulnerable around him, he could be himself. He thinks back on their hoverbike days together at GG and smiles fondly. That's what he missed about Earth. Adventure and memories where they were in no immediate danger. No threat of a Galra battleship right outside their door. They could relax and laugh together on the hot desert sand before riding back and returning to their dorms to do it all again the next day. 

“Everyone stay sharp! I'm opening the wormhole now!”

Allura announces over the intercom and all their stomachs drop. 

This is really it. We're really going home. 

They were able to open wormholes without the Castle of Lions due to the black lions new found ability. Keith has yet to reveal to the other Paladins how he unlocked Black's time traveling wings.  
The hole opened up in front of them. It looks just as surreal the millionth time as it did the first. They fly through. They're in limbo for a moment before emerging on the other side.  
Then there it was. Earth in all its glory. It's white puffy clouds danced around around the greens and the blues of the planets outer surface.  
A stream of astonishment came from all the Paladins. Allura was the most enthused out of all of them. 

“Your planet is one unlike the others I've seen! Can we land now?" 

“Not yet Princess..." Coran being the more cautious of the two. “Earth isn't like the other planets. We can't just land and expect to be welcomed with open arms.” 

“No? Starting to sound more like they Galra as we speak.” 

She mumbled the last part. "So what's the plan?" 

“I have a shack in the middle of the desert. Pretty secluded. We could probably land there undetected until we have our next plan.”

“Lead the way, Keith!" 

They disassemble and nose dive into the Earth's atmosphere. Breaking through layer after layer the heat started to rise. Flames where engulfing the outside of the lions. In pyramid formation Keith was the first to reach to surface before he pulled up from a nose dive and the others shortly followed suit. He took them to the massive caverns where he found the blue lion originally. Figured they could hide them there in the meantime. 

“I can't believe we actually came back! I thought I'd never see this place again. I missed you beautiful!"  
Lance and the others had already stepped out of their lions to take in all the glory that was middle-of-nowhere Arizona.  
Keith was still inside black helping Shiro. 

“You need a hand?”

“Yeah, thanks.” 

They smiled softly at each other before Keith helped pulled Shiro to his feet. After exiting black they both stopped in awe. It was only now did they realize Earth had a smell, it was different from all the other planets. It was familiar, and calming.  
The sun was beating down on them and torturing them in their heavy paladin armor. 

“Keith," Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. "Can you get us to the shack from here?”

“Yeah just uh, follow me.”

He lead the way while the others lagged behind to share memories of their time here with their families and friends. Allura and Coran listened intently with sparkles in their eyes.  
Shiro and Keith walked in comfortable silence side by side. They already knew what the other was thinking. 

It's good to be back. 

The walked a little more until the small, run down, temporary grieving home came into view. 

“This is where you live?” Allura didn't mean to come across as rude but… 

“Sorry it's no castle battleship-”

“No! That's not what I-”

“It's fine. I lived somewhere else with my dad…but after everything else I found myself drawn out to this place.” 

 

After everything else. 

He feels like he alone has jumped through a rip in time, and is back when he first stepped foot here. He was broken, devastated, alone…again.  
There was no Shiro.  
The only one who seen more in him than just a discipline case. Shiro was everything to him, and he was suddenly ripped again from his fragile grasp. 

Can I not have anything?!

He was cursing the gods. Not sure whether to feel sorry for himself or for Shiro. 

Please give him back to me… 

He stopped thinking about it. He knew if he kept going at this rate he'd collapse to his knees again. It's was all too- 

“Man, are there keys to this place or do we just- no, yeah okay we just walk in.”

Lance made himself at home. Throwing himself to lay on the worn out sofa that Keith had slept on for two years. This whole thing was strange. This shack was too small for all of them. The air was limited. His chest was tight. 

“You have a computer here right? Information on the Garrison? Let's look at it and see what we can figure out." 

Pidge wasted no time figuring out their next plan of attack.  
Meanwhile Keith was sweating, and he stepped outside into the even hotter air.  
He hated this place. All it held were bad memories, from bad circumstances, from his unfortunate life here.  
He slumped to his knees before falling backwards and sitting down.  
Closing his eyes and looking up he let the sun’s ray warm his skin. 

Shortly after he heard the crunch of footsteps. 

“Hey, you doing alright?”

“M’fine." 

It was Shiro’s voice.  
He sat down beside him. 

“Keith, you don't have to pretend around me.” He put his hand over his to comfort him. “What's going on? I thought you'd be excited to be back..”

“The only good memory I have from this place is you.” 

Shiro’s eyes widened, but not enough for Keith to notice. “Being back here… forces me to remember it all.”

His eyes were swollen shut from crying more days than not. He read to pass the time, but it was hard to focus on much else. He shivers when he thinks about things he did, things he almost did. He's trying to remind himself that they're here now together. He just can't help feel like something is going to go wrong again. 

——

“It looks like this place has cameras?" Pidge was back inside the shack going through the files on Keith’s ancient laptop. "That's weird… Did Keith put them here? Not sure why he'd need them.”  
Hunk was assisting Pidge in getting their hands on any access they could. Anything the Garrison might have on them, Shiro, the lions. 

“Can you see its footage?" 

“Yeah uh, crap hold on it has a password on it.”

She grabbed something from her book bag that resembled something of a phone fused with a radio and plugged it into the computer. "I made this awhile back to help us hack into Galra systems. If it can do that, I'm sure it can give a simple password to Keith's computer.”

It's took a few minutes before the system unlocked itself and bared it's files for all to witness. “Interesting, it looks like the cameras are on the outside and the inside.”

Hunk remembers the pieces of paper, and post it notes tacked into the wall. Something that if had fallen into the wrong hands…  
“Remember all the information Keith had in here? Maybe he was protecting it.”

“Sounds plausible, let's check it out.”

“Wait,” Lance jumped in to be what he thought was the voice of reason. “If the cameras are inside the shack, what if we.. I don't know-”

“What, Lance?”

“I don't know! I'm just saying what if we see more than we bargained for!”

Hunk groaned. "He's got a point, but-”

“It’ll be fine. What's the worst that could happen? It's Keith, you guys. Emo Keith. Worst we'll see is him moping like usual.”

The files are seemingly endless. The first videos where recorded months before Shiro had even left for Kerberos. It started to look like Keith wasn't the one who installed the cameras in the first place. It would make sense, considering someone had to be there before him.  
They skip months ahead until they recognize Keith's slim figure slumped over the couch. They stopped to watch. 

Curiosity killed the cat… 

...and a few casualties along the way. 

He was still on the couch, hunched over with his head in his hands and a Garrison bag at his feet.  
It must've been when he'd first arrived. After Shiro…  
He stands up and angrily knocks an old glass off the table and sends it shattering into the closest wall. They could see his face now. He was crying.  
A few moments pass and more tears fall. He collapses to his knees. 

“Pidge, maybe we should uh..”

“Yeah skipping ahead. On it.”

This is the invasion of privacy Lance was worried about. They were already in for more than they bargained for. 

Skipping ahead until Keith seemed calm. He's sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees. They play the clip. At first they can't make out what's going on until they realize Keith is talking to himself. It's hard to make out. Inside the shack was quite enough to hear a pin drop. The air was still. 

“Shiro I-” he drew in a raspy breath. He'd been crying again. "I came out here for answers. Pilot error there's no way-” he pulls roughly at his hair before letting go and letting his hands fall. “I thought after I left the Garrison I could forget. You were everywhere...Now I'm here- now I'm here and nothing's changed. I can't stop thinking about you and a part of me doesn't want to. I don't want to forget about you like I have everything else.” 

They skip ahead. 

This time he seems relaxed. He's talking again. 

“Hey Shiro y'know the best part about being out here is just like you said. The stars at night are so bright. I go out on the roof sometimes to watch them. It's hard sometimes, but I like to think I can see you in the them. I can see you in the stars. “

They skip ahead. No one has said anything. 

This time Keith is thumbing through his bag before he pulls out a photo. He pins it up on the corkboard, unknowingly close to the camera.  
“It's probably dumb but this old photo is the only thing keeping me sane out here. God I-”  
His eyes water. He's crying again. How many times does this make it? 

They skip ahead. It gets worse. 

He's curled into a ball, he looks a mess. Like he hasn't showered. His clothes are dirty. There's sand caked onto his skin. He's miserable.  
“Shiro… why'd you have to go? Why'd you leav-” he draws in a sharp breath. “Why'd you have to leave me behind?”  
His head hits the floor as he lays still and he mutters one last thing before he's forced off to sleep.  
“I want to be there with you.”

They skip ahead. Their faces are tight, and their eyes are burning. Neither of them wants to drop the first tear but they're all close. Seeing Keith like this, knowing he suffered like this for two years. 

He's bruised. Things are broken and askew around the room.  
“Hey Shiro," his voice is soft. He grabs his arm until his knuckles are white. There's other bruises under his hand. He winces, and sighs deeply. "I was scared at first, until I thought about being able to see you again.” He scratches his arm where previous scratches and torn skin are visible. “Maybe we'll go to the same place. I know I haven't always been a good person-”

They skip ahead. 

“Maybe I wasn't meant to be happy in this life. You're all I've got Shiro-”  
He's holding a large piece of the broken glass from before. He presses it to his wrist.  
He bends forward and presses his head to the ground. On the floor in front of him is the picture from before.  
“I know you wouldn't want this for me, but I can't-” he takes a deep breath. "I love you Shiro. Takashi I love you. I'm sorry. Please."  
He's pleading. He keeps repeating those words. He's shaking. He's scared. 

This time they didn't skip ahead. Part in shock, but they weren't the only ones watching.  
“Keith…” a cracked shaky breath whispered his name from behind them. They whipped around. Neither one holding back anymore.  
Shiro was standing in the doorway. He must've seen the last few clips... He can't bring himself to look away from where the screen is paused.

Keith walks in behind him. 

“Shiro whats-” he see the screen and his face twists into confusion. 

He must've not known about the camera. 

He walks up the screen and they move out of his way. The energy in the room has him tense before he lays eyes on the screen. His eyes widen in horror and quickly scans the room for the camera that exposed all his secrets. He turns back to Shiro.  
The look on his face is pained. Tears endlessly rolling down his cheeks. 

“Keith…” is barely audible. He steps forward and reaches his hand out. But Keith bolts past all of them and runs back outside. Throwing himself onto the hoverbike he takes off. 

What is going on? What is going on? 

How did they get that footage. All of his darkest memories came rushing back to him. He's distracted and almost crashes the bike. He decided he's far enough away and parks before leaning against a large rock. Letting the heat from its surface smooth him.  
All those memories he thought he could forget came back to haunt him. Now everyone else knows them too.  
What would Shiro do now that he knew? Would he think he was weak? He wasn't even sure if he wanted to find out.  
It was getting hotter out. He grew tired under the merciless sun. 

——

“Take me to him, Kosmo.” 

Shiro normally would give Keith his space when he thought he needed it. Right now he knew he needed him, or more so that he shouldn't be by himself.  
Shiro remembered that Keith could teleport with his cosmic wolf and hoped is wasn't an exclusive feat. In this massive desert Keith could've gone anywhere on his hoverbike. He wasn't going to be able to find him on his own. “Cosmo I need to see him right now, I know you can help.”

Cosmo was hesitant for a moment before turning around and offering his back for Shiro to grab onto.  
Shiro placed his hand onto Cosmo’s back before Cosmo closed his eyes to orient himself, and they were gone. One moment there were there, and the next it felt as if they were nothing at all. For a first time teleporter it was alarming, but before he had too much time to think about it they'd arrived. He couldn't see Keith and he thought Cosmo might have not understood what he was asking until he noticed the bright red of the hoverbike wing behind a cluster of rocks.  
He ruffled Cosmo’s thick coat of fur as a thank you before walking over to where he assumed Keith was.  
Turning around the corner he was him propped up against a rock. He was asleep and he had tears dried onto his cheeks. Shiro had never experienced something like this before, he wasn't sure how to react. He slowly dropped to his knees in front of Keith.

Is this my fault? 

Leaving for kerberos, getting captured by the Galra… maybe he didn't escape soon enough. Maybe it was his fault for not memorizing the Galra sentry's route and escaping fast enough, or for getting captured in the first place. He left Keith like that. How could Keith say he saved him after he almost… 

“Keith,” he put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It's me.” 

His eyes stirred under his lids before his eyes squinted open.  
Shiro didn't know what reaction be was expecting when Keith saw him. Worst case scenario was shock, fear, and rejection. He was most worried Keith would run further, and he wasn't sure how many times he could convince Kosmo to do the heavy lifting.  
Keith looked up at him through his bangs and eyes full of mourning.

 

“Shiro I'm-” his voice was hoarse, he already knew why. 

“It's okay, Keith.” Shiro gave him a soft smile and crouched down to were Keith was sitting. “You don't have to apologize.” 

“So?” Keith wouldn't meet his gaze and cast his eyes down to the orange sand and powdery rocks at his feet. He picked up a small one and crumbled it between his fingers. “What do you- what now? Now that you know.” He rubbed away the dust between his thumb and index finger.  
Everything he said lacked confidence. Right now he was more afraid than Shiro had ever seen him. A battle with Zarkon was no match for this, because now his biggest fear was most prevalent.

Losing Shiro. 

And not in the ways he had before. This was Shiro leaving Keith. On his own will. Not being captured, not having his soul trapped inside the Black Lion, not dying. Just leaving. It made Keith think back to those clips in the shack and when they all took place. It made him shudder and Shiro put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. 

“Keith do you remember what you told me?”

He looked up puzzled, trying to put the pieces together. “You told me we'd get through it, and to talk to you, that it'd all be alright.”

“That wasn't you, that was-”

“I know it wasn't really me, but you thought it was. Those words were meant for me, I remember them.” 

It brought him little condolence, but his expression lightened anyway. Shiro offered him a sympathetic smile and placed his hand on his knee. Keith dwarfed in comparison. 

“Talk to me Keith, we'll get through it.”

He waited a second before a relieved laugh found its way past his lips. 

“It'll be alright..” It came out more as a question. He needed to hear Shiro say it.  
Shiro let out a breath he didn't know he was holding until now. He wrapped his arm around Keith's back and pulled him into his chest. Keith rested his face in the crook of his neck, his face still damp witch tears. 

“Yeah, it'll be alright." 

They sat like that for a moment. Shiro's hand moving up to thread his fingers through Keith's hair. They both were damp with sweat, the shade from the hover bike offering little refuge from the suns merciless heat. It never occurred to them before that they were so far from everything. They never noticed how much smaller the star looked from different planets. You couldn't see it at all from outside the Milky Way. It made them feel further from home. 

Shiro could feel the steadying of Keith's breath on his neck, and where he rested against his chest. 

The soft words Keith spoke were muffled by the fabric of Shiro's shirt. 

“What was that?" Shiro pulled back to look down at him. His hair was stuck to his forehead, and he has sand on his face that must've kicked up from the hover bike. His eyes looked tired and all it made him think was how desperately in need he was of a nap. He cupped his neck, using his thumb to gently tilt his face up toward him. 

“I'm sorry, Shiro.”

Keith could only meet his eye for a moment before looking away. This conversation wasn't an easy one. 

“Keith, look at me. You don't have to apologize.”

Keith looked up. 

“I… I wish it hadn't happened. I wish you'd never thought of it, but you did and—” he drew in a shaky breath “I wish I was there for you. I'm sorry, Keith.”

“You're not mad?" 

“What? Why would I be mad?" 

“I don't know I just— I didn't want you to find out this way.” 

They held each other’s longing gaze. Their eyes full of a whirlwind of emotions; love, loss, remembrance, regret.  
Keith slid his arms up Shiro’s chest and around his neck. Shiro’s hand moved again to hold Keith's waist in his grip. Pressing their foreheads together made them think about all the time they lost in space, all the time they lost to do things like this. It wasn't something they'd ever thought they'd be taking advantage of at some point. Shiro’s lips ghosted over Keith's as Keith drew himself in further to close to small space left between them. His lips were swollen and chapped from crying, but none of that seemed to matter. They've kissed before but all the times prior to now paled in comparison.  
Right now they were healing, fixing themselves.  
Right now they knew that anything they went through, they would go through together.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated!! Thanks sm for reading! ❤


End file.
